August 10, 11:40 PM

I start to become aware of how much smoke I am blowing

I watch my appetite decreasing

As the hours I am sleeping start growing

I am so aware of myself yet I feel so clueless

If the faith that I will get through is all I’ve got

Have I got enough to get through this?

I talk about being aware as if I have awareness

But if I can’t get my love to even reach myself

How the fuck do I expect myself to share it?

I can feel so many parts of myself unraveling

I have to keep going

Keep moving

Even though I don’t know where Im traveling

I feel love all around me as friends and family draw nearer

But the fact that I’ve never felt so distant is the part that I fear

Im trying so hard to seem like I’ve got it all together

But I feel

Like Im drifting

Further

And further

And that I’ll feel this lost forever

Everything was so

Perfect

All the strife

All the suffering

Was starting to finally all feel worth it

You are happy

You should be happy

Its all ok

I keep telling myself

Because lying to myself is easier

Than admitting I need help

 

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