Home

It’s weird to come to a place that you once called home and not have it feel like home at all. It’s been years since I felt like I had home anywhere. When I am in one place I call the other home, and vice versa. I think it’s to trick myself into thinking that I have somewhere to love. I always tell myself, ‘when you get home, everything will be better’, but as I get older I’m trusting myself less and less for this promise to come true. I wonder how I am ever supposed to be settled in, knowing that for the next 6 years or so I will always be moving. I have convinced myself that all this movement is what growth looks like, to distract myself from the fact that it has robbed me of love, friendships, relationship with my family, and having a place to call home. I am always looking and working towards the future, just to sit at the end of every day and not be satisfied with the present moment. Everything feels so temporary. There is no time for love or family or home. I am tired of always moving. The movement is exhausting, the growth is draining, not having a present life that makes me as happy as the dreams of my future life is daunting. I am getting older. I am questioning everything. And I don’t want to get to my end point just to find the journey was supposed to be the fun part.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s